My First Book Review – The Alphabet of Manliness

May 21

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Normally I am against reading books for the fact that they are ridiculously boring, but for some reason I actually bought two books. The first one that I actually read was The Alphabet of Manliness (Expanded Edition) by the infamous Maddox. Now if you are blind, deaf, and stupid, you won’t know know the hell Maddox is, but if you are even 1% smart, you would know that Maddox is the the pirate behind The Best Page in the Universe. I am just going to assume know you are blind, deaf, and stupid, so I will explain this to you very slowly. Maddox started his bullshit in the year of 1997. Since then, he has been spreading his shit. Well, people actually decided to read it for some damn reason or another and he has become so big. I will be the first one to admit that I am a huge fan of his. Anyway, as I was in the book store, I just so happened to browse over this book and seeing the name Maddox, I creamed my pants.

Well, I had to buy this this book. I already ruined my pants, so I might as well spend my money on his college dropout ass. Right away, I was taken back by the illustrations because they were so damn funny. Well, the book to sum it up quite a bit puts hair on your eyeballs. It allows you to drink hot sauce from the bottle. To tell you the truth, this is the first book that I have actually read in about two years.  This book will either be loved or hated by you. Luckily, I had time on my hands because a fever decided to beat me senseless until it left me in my bed for me to do nothing, but read this book, but I do not regret it one bit.

From the very beginning, at the dedication–”to the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: me”, you will think he is the most egotistical, narcissistic asshole ever.  When he calls a woman a “bitch” on page 2, you will think he is the biggest sexist prick there is. By now, you might burn the book and piss on the ashes, but if you make it further, you will realize the type of person Maddox truly is (if you don’t know who he is and in which case you better learn your shit). Quite possibly the funniest book I have ever read…until the next one.

The Alphabet of Manliness (Expanded Edition) is not a story. Sure there are some brief parts where Maddox talks about his life, but the whole book is about thirty or so essays. Of course, each letter of the alphabet (in order) and then some numbers. Some of the things he talks about includes Chuck Norris, Theodore Roosevelt, Road Rage, the number 616, and a plethora of other manly stuff that makes your balls drop. Some of the things he actually talked about made me laugh so hard, I had to re-read the shit he wrote to actually see if he wrote that…he did. What he doesn’t do is hold back from what he says when he talks.

Basically, like I have said before, I like this book a lot. According to Maddox, “men don’t love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of “like,” and even then, men don’t like anything that much.” I felt hair grow out of my eyes and now I need to shave them daily because of everything I read. I could not put this book down and I definitely recommend it. If you have a shitty sense of humor or just a plain pussy, you will hate this book, but give it a try. If you hate it, you gave your money to someone who should have it more (since you don’t…pussies don’t deserve money) or you will like it a lot and realize how shitty your life is and quickly have an epiphany. Maybe now you will stop being a bitch. I couldn’t stop laughing from all of this and if you do love this The Alphabet of Manliness (Expanded Edition), be sure to check out his blog: The Best Page in the Universe. Definitely buy his book! I sure as hell did.